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Rating:
THE REVIEW
Promises, promises... but doesn't deliver!
MadooOOOonna what a colossal bore this is! With this raspy early morning voice, caught between the crossroads of a seasoned smoker's hoarseness and phlegm-clearing liberation, after an album almost entirely sung in French, the once runway birdie now past her prime tries again with an album (drum roll, please), sung in… ENGLISH!!
Da daaaaa… plot twist, huh?
Three/four chords a "song," little rounds of C with a sprinkle of folk-blues, played by guitars as frail and limp as limp little sausages after the 6th consecutive ejaculation, our dear Carletta Brunetta Multi Millionaire tries again, as tired as she is of her rich and bored life between Paris and Monte Carlo, and dishes out this low-low-fi disc, annoying and sticky like flypaper used in summer.
But where is this pretty babe from wet dreams but not too much aiming? What does she want to show the world: that she has a brain too? That even a pretty chick can DO something else? There are even a few cute songs, just listen to "Those dancing days are gone" or "Autumn" but, all things considered, and after dragging your balls swollen like two watermelons from the couch to the stereo to press OFF, it's necessary to say that this is an absolutely useless album that will end up in the musical oblivion in less than 1 month starting whenever you want.
Nothing new to offer, nothing so beautiful to listen to (except for her irresistibly sexy voice at times), lukewarm music as background to play before falling asleep or during reading a book, the classic album you end up listening to while sleeping and almost never manage to reach the last 5 songs.
In short, if at least there were some photos of the singer in a thong on the cover or inside, I would have happily increased the score. But without even those, what should I judge... the pseudo songs you hear here!?
See you next time Carla, so remember: more half-naked photos of yourself (maybe in an accompanying DVD!) and, if you can, a CD with some real songs maybe this time in Spanish or Greek. But you can also skip the CD: I'll buy it anyway!
:-P
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Summary by Bot
This review criticizes Carla Bruni's album 'No Promises' for failing to deliver engaging music despite a switch to English lyrics. While her distinctive raspy voice is noted, the album's songs are described as uninspired, repetitive, and dull. A few tracks are somewhat pleasant, but overall the album is considered forgettable and low quality. The reviewer sarcastically suggests more provocative visuals rather than music improvements.Tracklist Lyrics Videos
Carla Bruni
Carla Bruni is an Italian-French singer-songwriter and former model, born in Turin and raised in France. Her debut album Quelqu’un m’a dit (2002) became a major success, followed by No Promises (English settings of poems) and Comme si de rien n’était. She later served as France’s First Lady.05 Reviews
Other reviews
By Adil
In No Promises there's a feeling that the initial recklessness has become nothing but calculation.
Carla has probably taken the notorious 'step longer than the leg,' quite the irony for a model.
By The_dull_flame
In English, she comes across almost cold, without any emotion whatsoever.
Carla Bruni’s voice has become an absolute disappointment: if before it was warm, enveloping, distinctive, now it appears quite poor and almost masculine.
