Fundamental premise: I am a professional Satanist, registered in the Aryan guild with card no. 666, Viking purity 72% (Wigridr plain teeth: 7 points; god's twilight breath: 9 points; Gungnir spear-shaped *pisello* and ancient god armpit power: 14 points; I burned my dog Agugnir's kennel: 10 points; grandfather wounded by a fox trap in the Glespnir woods: 32 points. It's a bit like when you're in neurology: if you exceed 80%, you get free Valium).

Today my girlfriend and I went to buy Burzum's first unforgettable masterpiece, "Det Som Engang Var". My girlfriend and I always do a lot of crazy stuff when we play uncle Burzum, I let myself be tied to Frigga's tree and we have orgies with druids and druidesses, bards and skalds, bearers of phantom torches that don't burn, and a procession of pagan gods fleeing from the ride of the dead. Usually, the ride of the dead is done by my friend Tommaso and Beppe; however, last time, my father caught us, and that time we ran from a ride of thrashings.

I really love "Det Som Engang Var" because in "Det Som Engang Var" everyone kicks the bucket sooner or later. Hadnur son of Hadser, Balder son of Mannur, Bestla son of Loki's son; and even the wolf Fenrir who lived among the Aesir, kicks the bucket (though I didn't understand what he had to do with it, but he kicks the bucket anyway).
In Svarte Troner, there's basically this Balder son of Flednur, who is announced by Mannur's death, and everyone touches their balls. Then the 140 doors of Vahalla open and all the heroes join the gods in a great final two-handed thrashing.
In the Snu Microcosmos Tegn battle, Vidhar rides first, advancing against the fierce wolf Fenrir (who was minding his own business, though) and will fight with him until he kicks the bucket. In front of the lake, there's a priest who strangles people (well, just to pass the time) as an offering to nature mother goddess. Tommaso and I always try to offer Beppe to the mother goddess, but every time we try to strangle him, he always wriggles free, the bastard.

Uncle Burzum's music is something very close to classical music, the uncle plays the piano a lot and sometimes becomes so languid that everyone falls asleep and in the morning it's always my father who comes to untie me from Frigga's tree in the Hudnijo valley. And he joins my mother in a grand four-handed thrashing.
Today my girlfriend and I are feeling very fetish/ambient, and since that twit of my father is sleeping, we've put on Burzum, and tonight we will screw like beasts with ladies and knights, bishops and musicians, jousts and sword duels, dwarves and ballerinas.
And I am very excited because tonight a great medieval thrashing is planned with the man tied to Frigga's tree.

Merry Christmas to everyone.

Tracklist Lyrics and Videos

01   Den onde kysten (02:20)

[January 1992]

[Instrumental]

02   Key to the Gate (05:14)

My eyes are shut I cannot see
Though clear is thy despair
I drift away - far away
From places of which you seek

Though I seek thy hell
You close the gate before me
Your life is right, and I'm to
Follow your paradise

I cannot fall in love
Love is for them
Lusting for the sky
Heaven

Why did I come to this world
Of sorrow why is this true
Where is my dagger of sacrifice

I will open the gate to Hell one day...

03   En ring til å herske (07:10)

04   Lost Wisdom (04:38)

While we may believe
Our world - our reality
To be that is - is but one
Manifestation of the essence

Other planes lie beyond the reach
Of normal sense and common roads
But they are no less real
Than what we see or touch or feel

Denied by the blind church
Cause these are not the words of God
The same God that burnt the
Knowing

05   Han som reiste (04:51)

06   Når himmelen klarner (03:50)

07   Snu mikrokosmos tegn (09:36)

Ingen stillhet her ute - en droem
Her hvor maanen raar - en droem
Jeg hater denne skog
Hvor ingen fare truer
Ingen ulv
Ingen bjoern
Intet troll
Puster
Ingen onde aander
Ingenting
Puster

Bare meg og natten -
Bare meg og natten
En natt skal jeg reise
Til Helvete

08   Svarte troner (02:16)

[April 1992]

[Instrumental]

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Other reviews

By Moro1

 Varg's voice is the cry of despair of a scarred nation.

 Listening to them you can say they are totally outside of black metal; they are on another planet.


By Rockardo

 That bastard son of a bitch from Burzum, instead of playing, kills people and gets himself imprisoned.

 This whole genre is a mountain of black shit consumed by those who appreciate it!


By mohammed

 "Misanthropy is the icy gust of disdain and hatred for the rabble that persists from the sharp and possessed voice of Master Burzum."

 "Definitely, an album to have if you love grim emotions like despair, misanthropy, and solitude."