Bullfrog
Dungeon Keeper

Quoting a famous beagle, it was a dark and stormy night, the tavern sign creaked sinisterly, moved by the wind while the noble knight, riding his brave steed, ventured into the dark forest in search of the underground lair where the offspring of evil proliferated...

What a pain, these boxed fanatics haven't learned yet that minding one's own business can be a real lifesaver for one's longevity? Instead of thwarting my brilliant and evil plans, couldn't they just beat up some filthy peasant or save some damsel in distress? Their obstinacy is as frustrating as it is useless, no one will be able to stop me anyway!

I rise from my throne of human skulls (strictly virgins, although finding them nowadays has proven to be quite a feat!), atop my black tower of oblivion and gaze at the landscape before me. The magical and laughing kingdom of Elsewhere stands before me, but its shining perfection has already been tainted, my chaotic hordes of trolls, orcs, vampires, skeletons, and demons have already taken control of the first provinces; vanquishing all aspiring heroes and servants of rival dungeon masters, who now lie underground ready to rise under my command or are having unforgettable moments in the torture chamber, entrusted to the loving care of my loyal mistresses.

My troops are continually growing in number, the spread of the news of my triumphs continues to attract new creatures into my dungeon, soon we will storm the castle and then those haughty ones will bitterly regret always teasing me as a child and never inviting me to their birthdays, and that wench Karen will regret not wanting to go out with me to the dance, bwuhahahahaha! They will all be at the mercy of my troops who will commit atrocities such as ringing the doorbell and running away, scribbling on walls with bad-taste phrases, and anything worse you can imagine. I will also have everything painted black, ban colors, hugs, and everything good in the world, and put speakers at every corner that will perpetually play the entire discography of Burzum.

Evil will triumph, you have no escape!