Bon Jovi
7800° Fahrenheit

I decided to write a review for this album, just to complete the series of Bon Jovi's early works. I'm listening to it now after a long time, but the impression I had hasn't changed at all: such a thing would have put a nice tombstone on the career of any band.

7800° Fahrenheit is an utterly monotonous and dull album, one of those made "because it has to be done". The cover, I dare say, is emblematic: a blurred Jon from the heat of a flame which, at the title-temperature of this awful record, would be capable of melting rock. There is really little rock here, if anything, there is an ensemble of musicians trying to give themselves some style, but failing miserably. What a flop! Especially considering that Bon Jovi had introduced themselves to the world with a first AOR chapter that was certainly noteworthy and promising, because there were indeed many original ideas that needed better development. And yet. . . let's look in more detail at what this 47-minute offering provides.

 7800° Fahrenheit opens with the lead track In And Out Of Love, a single that seems quite tough but is very flashy, from which one already understands a lot: the group wants to cover itself with a tougher and almost mysterious aura, but ends up covering itself with ridicule; Jon is absolutely not in vocal shape; Sambora, so to speak, is left too alone, and the guitar will be very understated; altogether, the instruments are very disconnected, making it seem that each goes its own way. The slowness of execution of the piece is striking, and in the long run, it sounds whiny. Clumsily, the album moves forward with a track that's better left alone (The Price Of Love) and with what was supposed to be the second chart super-hit: Only Lonely. And here, it's time to pause again and make another brief consideration. By the third track, it's glaring how there is a disproportionate use of keyboard sounds akin to a church organ, trying to add a touch of melodrama to the tracks, especially the one in question. But Only Lonely is just drama: theoretically a ballad, practically a piece that would make everyone turn off the stereo. Forever. Fortunately, the commercial results prove me right because even the singles fell short of expectations, unable to replicate the good success achieved by Runaway on the first release, which had entered the top 40 hits of the American charts. Followed by King Of The Mountain "track" that really makes you laugh, with a chorus that seems like a suburban band formed by repressed and loutish youngsters. It's a piece that wants to go forward justly, but it proceeds very rudely. What can be said about Silent Night (by the way, I think they performed it live in a San Remo edition)? Another ballad that struggles terribly among the notes of keyboards and once again confirms the cumbersomeness of this suffering effort by Bon Jovi. If they wanted to be syrupy, they succeeded, but the nectar in question is really rancid.

However, it must be said that the New Jersey boys tried to give a raison d'être to this atrocity with Tokyo Road, a nice hard rock piece, very catchy, with a nice chorus and with nearly right-paced rhythms. Unfortunately, even here, inexplicably, the band seems to have the brakes on. But I assure you that when performed live, this track does itself justice if played at the speed it deserves.

Then again, the curtain falls and the band disappears to make way for those 5 who went into the studio just to kill some time. The Hardest Part Is The Night is an immensely limp anthem in "Fame" style with an included pathetic and laughable chorus. Always Run To You has something interesting and confirms the "mysterious" attitude that, overall, pervades this release but remains a concept of a song. . . the idea they probably wanted to convey they still have in their heads. I omit (I don't Wanna Fall) To The Fire and conclude with a reflection that spontaneously comes to mind as Secret Dreams, the last anguished piece, comes to an end. . .

After such an album, if I had been a talent scout in the music field, I would have proposed to Bon Jovi to make a doom record.

 But fortunately, it wasn't so because then, these good and hairy youngsters lined up 3 successes that I still listen to with great pleasure. But 7800° Fahrenheit remains a clunky album, definitely annoying.