Black Sabbath
Heaven And Hell

THE REVIEW

I wish someone would kick Bob Geldof's ass once and for all. I've been hoping since the days of Live Aid that someone would crack that son of a bitch's head. Him and all that "give me your money" bullshit. Live Aid was crap, a total waste of money, like: let's all get together and give credit to our failed careers, I mean, let's raise money for the starving little black kids in Africa. Phil fucking Collins was at the 1985 Live Aid too, he hopped on a fucking Concorde to participate in the event, I can't stand that asshole Phil Collins, god how I hate that bald, short jerk. When Peter Gabriel left Genesis, agents and producers had a 24-hour brainstorming session: "So, the frontman left the band, what the hell do we do?" "I know what we should do! Let's have the little drummer take care of the vocals too. Come on, that two-bit tall idiot who always sits at the back of the stage, him!" A fucking stroke of genius, if there ever was one. Ah... and who knew that Genesis keyboardist Tony Banks can't play unless someone puts sheet music for every song in front of him? What a shitty dumbass. And this is supposed to be a rockstar? Fuck that! He needs the music written right under his nose, otherwise nothing doing. This means that idiot never improvises, he just plays the same shit every day regardless of where he's smashing rocks. So if someone went to see Genesis in London and brags saying "Oh, a fucking unique concert", well you can tell them to go screw themselves and tell them it was exactly the same as the one in Pordenone. And the best part is, Genesis fans have the nerve to talk shit about bands like the Sex Pistols, Germs, and Social Distortion, at least with the Sex Pistols you heard fucking different songs every night, I mean: they were so inept and incompetent as musicians that the same crap sounded different every time. Fuck the Sex Pistols too.

And last week? I saw an idiot walking down the street with a fucking black leather jacket and a giant fucking patched "Judas Priest" on the back, or it might have been "Uriah Heep" or "Black fucking Sabbath," as far as I care. Ever heard of these people? It's laugh-out-loud funny. If you have the guts to get close because they stink like hell, mind you: "The Priests haven't been the same since 'Defenders of The Faith,' they've never reached the same level of hellish mess..." Then why do you keep whining? If they haven't made a fucking decent album since 1984, isn't it also time to cut it out with the fucking Judas Priest and try to build a miserable private life, you ugly idiot bastard?

"I was listening to the seventy-fourth Black Sabbath album the other day, it's called 'Fucking Loud Crap Volume 33' and some tracks really shit dead worms, so if you want a definitive collection of those fucking English pricks, well I recommend their quadruple box set which also contains a fucking, shitty recording of their crap concert held at the Reading festival in 1979, epic, dude!" Some of these bullshit bands have reached their one hundredth and sixtieth cd, they have back pain, fucking gray hair, shitty wrinkles and yet they keep filling arenas with headbanger idiots. But what the hell is happening? And then maybe one of them starts a fucking band where he plays too and chooses some fucking stupid name for the group like "Ian Paice All New Review Deep Purple Sounding Crap" and just because he plays drums for the fucking Deep Purple. Fantastic, isn’t it? No, fantastic my ass, you jerk. You deserve a fucking bomb up your ass. You're just a piece of crap who bought the first Rich Kids album in 1978 just because the bassist, Glen Matlock, played with those fucking Sex Pistols. So fuck you.