Christopher Nolan
Interstellar

The events described in this review are the product of the mental fantasies of an ordinary individual, so I recommend a distracted and uninterested reading.

Any reference to real persons or actual events is purely coincidental, at least I hope so.

The brightly lit meeting room at Paramount Pictures was bustling with whispering member consultants, and the soft morning sunlight warming the hillside overlooking the affluent urban district of Hollywood made the lavish mega-mansions sparkle in the early dawn. Fifteen minutes late, the CEO, whom I must refrain from naming for privacy reasons due to the law that repealed Directive 95/96/EC, took his seat at the conference table for the upcoming 7:00 a.m. meeting. Carefully styling his tuft of hair with his right hand, the Managing Director flaunted the classic side-part hairdo typical of people, like him, belonging to a certain status symbol.

- Enough silence, gentlemen, listen to me... as you already know, we are gathered here to discuss and solve the major problems afflicting our esteemed industry. This graph updated to the latest market statistics behind me speaks clearly; box office revenues are poor across all proposed genres, and it's best not to even mention the Sci-Fi. Thus, it seems obvious that we cannot be satisfied with meager state grants, nor can we afford to falsify actual revenues any longer. Furthermore, let us not forget that the situation is far more dramatic in the rest of the world, but if everything proceeds without any unforeseen events and according to established plans, I believe I have found the right solution... - suddenly stood up, a tanned and sweaty-faced member of the assembly was frantically waving his arms, yelling, heedless of interrupting the CEO's speech.

- I had said that the stupid "The Future Sun" recovery plan would turn out to be a total failure, but no one listened to me, and these are the consequences. - - Not another word, Brian, with your lowly fusion propaganda with the Chinese; at this precise moment, you would have already given away 90% of the company's shares to those incompetent yellow faces. - - I do not allow fools like you to speak to me that way, Dave; if we are in this situation, it's mainly your fault. - - The root problem is not this, colleagues, - declared the composed James Williams, trying in vain to calm the spirits. Haven't you noticed that our recent productions don't hold up against the competition? The situation is simple; we are not capable of creating the RIGHT product at the RIGHT time, excuse the play on words. -

- Very well, Williams… - said the CEO after clandestinely winking at his right-hand man to encourage him to join the debate. - It has been decided that we will take part in the realization of a science fiction film; naturally, we will commit deeply to ensure it becomes a blockbuster. Warner Bros will partner with us on a 50% production basis, and I am convinced it will be an excellent partner, so, my gentlemen, we too must invest a lavish amount of money, it is inevitable, for the making of what will become, without a doubt, the film of the year. Now, which director should we entrust with the not-so-easy task of directing this movie? Let's see who among you will be able to advise me best. -

For a moment, absolute silence fell in the meeting room, and then, gradually, the names of various more or less accredited directors were mentioned. The CEO, without commenting, pondered all those who had expressed their opinion with his gaze. For some unknown reason, he seemed more tense and nervous than usual. His face was grimacing, trying to hide the contempt for that chronic stupidity he saw filling up, as if it were putrid liquid, in the heads of his subordinates and then overflowing from every pore of their skin, spilling onto the shiny floor like real waterfalls that would soon flood the entire building. His apocalyptic visual thoughts were shattered by the vocal cords of what he considered, until a short time before, to be the most intelligent person among all present.

- Why don't we have William Eubank direct it? He's an emerging director who worked for the Sundance Film Festival; the guy has talent. With a reduced budget, he managed to create great films. I consider him a master of special effects and editing, and he is also a great screenwriter. - - This is the biggest nonsense I've ever heard; when in cinema history has such an important film been directed by an unknown loser? - Have you lost your mind? We need a big name, an institution... someone who can do the job well and quickly if we want to keep costs contained as much as possible, no bullshit. - Everyone approved John's words with thunderous applause.

- Evidently, you still don't understand the strategy... you have all disappointed me; I haven't heard a single significant name, but it doesn't matter because our director has already been chosen, and I'll have him come in now so you can get to know him better, even though he certainly needs no special introduction. Please, bring in Christopher Nolan. - A man in his mid-forties, with a face like an ass and a goatee, entered the room very casually and calmly; the director had that particular look of a mercenary pirate, possessed only by the most tenacious ruffians, but after greeting everyone, a scream of terror made the windows tremble. - AAAAAHHHRRGG!!!! Christopher Nolan no, he is the most pathetic imbecile of directors... -

- Infamy!!! This time you've crossed every limit... - The Managing Director, all red, seemed to explode with rage. - You're fired, don't let me see you again; I have wanted to do this for a long time, and you have made things easier... now, out of here. - - No, I beg you, boss, you can't do this to me; I assure you I won't open my mouth again, may all Jupiter's lightning strike me now. - - I said get out of here or I'll be forced to call the authorities. - After this small regrettable episode, concluded with the preemptive intervention of law enforcement, Nolan revealed every detail concerning the film, from the screenplay, individual shots, chosen actors, and locations. To every question the delighted CEO asked him, he always responded with: "don't worry, this film will be a masterpiece," even to the most trivial ones. This, however, only further fueled the CEO's growing resentment, leading him to gradually stop questioning him to avoid a relapse.

- But the surprises don't end here... the film is based on real scientific foundations, based on the indisputable theories of the illustrious scientist Kip Thorne, yet the story is original and imaginative. The film will be a genuine masterpiece that will break every box office record, I assure you, CEO. - To me, the story seems written by a spastic baboon, - muttered Brian, now tired and eager to end this nerve-wracking meeting like everyone else. Annoyed by this statement, Nolan responded arrogantly... the CEO was thinking. - If he says it'll be a masterpiece one more time, I swear I'll jump on him. - This film will be a maste... vrooom, - aaaah what are you doing miz... aaah cough cough I'm choking get him off me he's gone mad. - - YOU, YOU stupid idiot, you will do what you've been told, which is to make a shitty film as miserable as hunger, in order to entice every downright hipster on the face of the earth, while at the same time pissing off genuine Sci-Fi film lovers to no end, and you know why, to create two distinct factions among them... the alternative ones will watch it in theaters 15 times without understanding a thing, and the real connoisseur, curious, will do the same, confirming it's a real piece of crap, and the vicious cycle will repeat, understand!! - - Get it off him quickly. - - Help I'm choking, help coff coff...

Better end it here... oh, I forgot, if anyone happens to get sucked into a black hole while piloting your spaceship, and suddenly you end up in a parallel universe behind your daughter's bookshelf while you're floating around in a zero-gravity room. In any case, remember to have Houston decode for you, in binary system, the very concept of Love because it's important.

SCORE: 1.5/5.