Atheist
Jupiter

The other day I was strolling through downtown Udine, eyes down, hands in pockets, the gloomy November air oppressing my poor mind. I was reflecting on the ultimate meaning of life and my latest review work, wondering if what I had done was good and right. I answered no: I had abused too much of the honey of poetry. So, I took my halo and, like Baudelaire, gave it a tremendous kick, making it roll into the muck of the macadam. Like the boy biting the head of the snake under Zarathustra's eyes, I felt like a free and reborn man, and I had the urge to celebrate and act like a farm animal. I didn't think twice: off to listen to the new work by Atheist, "Jupiter", released just now, after 17 endless years of silence since "Elements".

Well, what can I say? This album is a half masterpiece, exactly what was expected from the Florida band. Sudden tempo changes, accelerations, jazz-influenced deliriums (though less than in the past), stunning pauses, and a monumental Kelly Shaefer on the microphone. But let's proceed in order: "Jupiter" starts with "Second To Sun", which will make you feel like the lion on the cover. Your legs can't stop moving, you start dancing a frantic tarantella, pouring sweat, as your inner fire begins to burn. And it's just the beginning.

The first track ends just at the best moment, and you, still foaming at the mouth, in fury, hurl the trash can against the stereo and start firing the Taser gun at the neighbors. Calm, calm, hold your fiery spirits: "Fictitious Glide" will be a refreshing herbal tea, and you'll feel as if you were arrested by this police officer.

Even "Fraudulent Cloth" will not disappoint you because this album is like this: strokes of genius, deadly headbanging, and damn fireworks! Yes: that's what a true metalhead likes!! Whoever criticizes this work should be publicly shamed, and those who blame the production for being too rough and chaotic have understood nothing: it's just what is needed in a valid metal gem! GROOOWL! 

And what to say then about "Live And Live Again"? You have to play it at maximum volume at a party, and while all those Mtv-lobotomized start fleeing, screaming, and covering their ears never to return, you grab the girl you so desire and tear off -gently, mind you- her clothes with your teeth! Because that's how a true metalhead behaves!

The remaining four songs do not lower the bar in the slightest: listen to "Faux King Christ" so that the vibrations bring down the walls, and if your mother even dares to say something, respond to her in the language of gorillas, showing your canines and beating your hairy chest! No one can stop you anymore, and thus, on the magical killer notes of "Tortoise The Titan", you go down to the street, start grunting like pigs, and hurl stones at streetlights and parked cars, and if some prude comes to protest, slam her against the crystal shop window. Yes! 

And after "When The Beast", here comes the grand finale: "Third Person". I'll reveal to those who go to school a metalhead's tip: when the English teacher brings the stereo to class, tie her to the chair and gag her, so as not to hear her chicken-like screeches, and play this track; you'll see that your classmates, except for those who die stunned because they listen to Tiziano Ferro and such, after dancing a frenetic twist and tearing their clothes apart, will go wild and set the school building on fire, then pour into the streets screaming and smashing doors and windows with headbutts, torturing passersby with metal rulers! Because this album is a true metalhead delight! And that's how a TRUE METALHEAD behaves!

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!