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Rating: Are you seated? Do you have a life-saving bucket for vomiting within reach? Good. Today, yours truly will guide you through the darkest meanders of contemporary music. If you are incurable romantics who still believe that music is art, commitment, passion, and a vehicle for social messages, you can and should avoid reading these lines. Here, we're talking about something else entirely. Here, we're talking about the latest single by Antonio Zequila.
Hailing from Campania and naturally brash, "er Mutanda" personifies, despite his chronological 45 years, the worst aspirations of a certain contemporary youth of the Belpaese, focusing in a hairless, tanned, and muscular body à la sleazy playboy for wealthy septuagenarians the most vile ambition of ignorant sons of a frivolous Italietta.
His dazzling career began as a mannequin-actor in syrupy photo novels and continued under the sign of empty superficiality with minor roles in forgettable films and dramas until the fateful year 2005, when Antonio finally managed to make himself known to the blessed and foolish world of Italian television by participating in the third edition of that fount of culture and good taste known as "L'Isola dei Famosi." On the Island, Zequila displayed an innate and hypocritical "potato spirit," so charming to companions and the public that he was eliminated at the first opportunity. From there, he took the obligatory step into a series of laxative programs that catapulted him into the Olympus of useless "stars" until the epic outburst with Adriano Pappalardo, in which he perfectly played the part of the honored and touchy mama's boy made in Italy, with an almost-brawl live on television.
Given that this last episode, with much public jubilation, has banned him from the airwaves, he ventured into the music world, releasing his first album in 2006: "Senza Di Te," a very rare gem for strong stomachs teetering between pseudo-macho kiss-ass song and poetry.
The peak, however, is reached with the single being reviewed: "Voglio Farmi l'Avventura" (2009). The cover is already rather eloquent, showing us one of the ugliest artworks of the century, aimed solely at awakening the dormant hormones of menopausal housewives who appreciate the Zequila allergy to shirts and upper clothing in general. It is, in fact, a photo of our hero bare-chested with a chain and crucifix as standard and his name tattooed on his chest. For the brave who resist throwing this immense shovelful of manure in shrink-wrapped digipack format into the trash, the listening experience will reveal a lively track with the synthesizer at the forefront and lyrics clearly referring to Zequila's participation on "L'Isola dei Famosi."
Brash, conceited, immensely egocentric, and confident: this is how the resurrected Mutanda appears, who doesn't hold back from saying anything thanks to lyrics filled with double entendres sung in a style that at times recalls the worst Vasco Rossi, with a hoarse voice obviously re-edited during mixing so as not to sound excessively off-key. The opening is immediately Nobel Prize-winning literature: "I want to return to the Island, please let me return. I want to have the adv...enture, I have too much desire to dis...cover. I only bring a banana, come on, it's not that cumbersome, because I only need it and a pair of underpants." It then continues with jabs at his eternal rival Pappalardo and delusions of grandeur: "...you have to give it your all, that when you return you go on TV and someone insults you... someone finds me annoying, and instead I will offer everyone a tequila until the name of Zequila reigns." Then, since the desire to return to the Island to go on the (ad)venture is too strong but he's not allowed to be on TV... "So I go incognito to do a selection, they ask me all your strengths, I respond with great charisma." Finally, since the urge to appear and showcase all his intellectual talents is overwhelmingly strong, our Antonio is ready to turn to the competition: "If they don't take me on the Island, I'll try at Big Brother, where, as we know, what you need in that house is a great brain."
Ultimately: a record produced by two DJs for a character as likable as stepping in dog shit with new shoes, and yet intimately convinced he can conquer the world with his gaze of a savage pollinator. Ideal as "musical" background for your epic bathroom raids: Antonio Zequila's latest effort will gladly accompany your own efforts in an unparalleled noise concert. Who will emerge victorious?
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