Anonimo Giapponese
Army of Darkness (il poster)

I thought of starting this page with a dedication to all the Swiss people who contribute to the site and also to all the other Swiss people. Actually, the Swiss aren't exactly my favorite, but they did have - and maybe still have - some ski suits full of holes that were - and maybe still are - out of this world. They have watches that never make you late, and above all, they made a cool movie with the unpronounceable title "Sennentuntschi".
I wanted to dedicate it to them because that is truly a valid horror worth watching.
But there’s the problem that it’s not really such a trash or foolish movie, so I would say the best thing I can do is recommend you watch it and wait for someone (maybe a Swiss, because it's home turf) to review it here.
To increase your interest, I'll leave you the gorgeous poster.

Yes, ok, and now what?

Boh...

Let’s see, have I ever told you about Rampage? Well, Rampage is a film by Uwe Boll (or however you spell it) that's really for popcorn. For those who don’t know him, Uve Boll (just to make sure we spelled it wrong at least once) is the worst director ever. His first film was "House of the Dead", have you ever seen it? Yes??? Condolences.
Then Boll, taken by the charm of the video game world, decided to make only films inspired by video games which the brave director - because it takes a certain amount of courage to continue making films after House of the Dead, besides a complete lack of self-criticism - claims he never wanted to play.
A genius: "Yes, great, tomorrow we start shooting my new film, it's based on <> a 90s game I’ve never played..." This guy deserves lots of popcorn... But he deserves it. That's it. The problem is that his films make you want to throw popcorn in your eyes, and above all, they make you want to change the channel and watch Marzullo at 3 AM asking the sleeping guest of honor, "So, is life a dream. Or are dreams the real secret of life?".

But wait, do you remember that awful pseudo-fantasy film with Statham? What was it called?... "In the Name Of The King"! Do you remember it? No? That's better, anyway, it was just to tell you it was another of his films, to make you understand that this guy makes TRULY atrocious films. All horrible, except for his last Rampage. That one is a cool movie! It's about violence, there's a guy who builds himself an armor, and then there's the same guy who leaves the house and shoots anyone who gets in his way... Yes, I know, it doesn't sound good. But it’s really cool, especially if you think it's by Boll, you wouldn't believe it. Here, maybe I’ll talk about Rampage.

But perhaps not, because actually, besides leaving the house and committing a massacre, the guy doesn’t do much. And I can’t keep you here saying, "He leaves the house and shoots people with a shotgun, then more people come and he shoots again, then a car passes by and he shoots the car, then he runs out of ammo and takes the Uzis, and shoots everyone, then some cops shoot at him but he's got armor and nothing happens to him, so he takes an assault rifle and keeps shooting, killing the cops. Then he shoots..." I could go on like this for five thousand characters, and I don't think you would enjoy it much...

Empty...

Wait, don’t leave! Let me tell you about "Who's Buried in that House"! Horror, humor, ... what? You don't care? Yes, okay, but don’t leave, I can also tell you about "Hesher". Oh yes, Hesher. with the metallic poster, Natalie Portman, the tattoos that make you throw popcorn. Come on, let me tell you about it. Okay? Seriously, you’ll thank me: it's awesome! Maybe the ending is a bit too sweet on the wounds, but it’s really cool. Wait a minute though. I've already written a bunch of nonsense and you're already bored. I'll talk about it next time, okay.

Sorry for the interruption.
To avoid leaving you empty-handed, I'll give you a gadget, like children's magazines did in the '80s... (I used to read "Più").

The review: Pop art. Nothing more, nothing less. The Japanese poster of "Army of Darkness" is pop art: it has Campbell's soup. Lots of colors, the shopping bag, inscriptions I don’t know what they mean, lots of nice colorful toothbrushes, the dolphin jumping inside the little man, a green guy popping out of nowhere and has nothing to do with the movie. And then the chainsaw-armed Ash, with the pretty chick clinging to him.
It's beautiful. So beautiful. I hung it in the bathroom. When I brush my teeth I always look at it, and when I'm constipated instead I read The Wild Bunch, but that's not related.

We’ve come to the end. It was tough but I did something.

 Here’s my Christmas gift. Print it, hang it in your bathroom, and think of me every time you brush your teeth. I'll think of you.

Now I really need to get back to reading The Wild Bunch, excuse me.