Amon Amarth
Twilight Of The Thunder God

Yesterday afternoon, after a long absence caused by studying (yes, I started studying), I went into my favorite CD store, which is also the only one in my city (there's another one, but it sucks). Once the shop assistant at the counter noticed I had entered, he prepared the sedatives and then checked if any new Testament albums had been released. Meanwhile, I headed straight to the metal section, which was crammed, and as usual, I was so indecisive that I resorted to "eeny meeny miny moe." By 7 PM, I was left holding the latest from Eluveitie and the CD I am reviewing now. I like Eluveitie, while all I knew about Amarth was that they were fanatics who fancied themselves Vikings. Well, after the store clerk threatened to lock me inside because he had to close, I decided to take "Twilight Of The Thunder God" to try something new.

So, I carefully prepared my little room with the usual New CD Listening Ritual and then started listening. Roope Latvala hadn't even appeared as a guest on the first track (title track) when I was already outside, clad only in a leather thong (it was -5 degrees), trying to kill lizards to emulate the cover art and shouting that I was Thor's chosen one. Meanwhile, from the open window, I could hear the CD playing on, filling me with Viking energy. So, I gathered an army of hobos and stormed the supermarket. Once I got out, I actually saw giant eels; they were even purple and green. Seeing me so drunk, a police patrol casually decided to take me for a little chat at the station. But they hadn't reckoned with my Viking Self. I immediately charged at them, swearing in Nordic, but being as I am one 14-year-old and they were three and over-the-hill, you can imagine how that ended for me.

Once at the police station, heedless of my curses (I'm still waiting for Odin to punish them...), they locked me up, only to release me because I was a minor. Once at home, after trying to convince my furious parents to convert to Odin's cause, I returned to my room. But I will return. And I will gather great forces. They don't understand the danger; they don't know that Ragnarock is approaching. But you, dear DeBaserians, must help me fight the armies of evil in battle. They come in many forms. Some call them Tokio Hotel, others Finley, others Will Become Famous. And they have many followers.

So I appeal to your courage and remember, Ragnarock is near!!