Alessandro Piva
Mio Cognato

When "Mio Cognato" was released in 2002, critics were divided into two camps. Some called it an excellent film, rich with a subtle moral, while others said it was just a load of crap. Personally, I tend to agree with the latter.

To begin with, the plot of the film centers around the events of a "normal" family from Bari, which, on the day of the baptism of Anna Quaranta's (Mariangela Arcieri) son, Vito's sister, finds itself in a turmoil when Vito's car is stolen. The baptism essentially turns into a sort of "hunt" for the thief, in a Bari overflowing with crime, among small-time crooks and people who do nothing but resort to extortion, smuggling, and a whole series of unsavory dealings to make a living. The most astounding thing is that Vito, as soon as his car is stolen, immediately notifies the insurance company of the theft. And, Toni (Sergio Rubini), lashes out at him, calling him an idiot (I write "idiot" because the word used is MUCH more colorful), because he should have consulted him first (who, throughout Bari, is known as "the professor," due to his middle school education...). To be honest, it would have sufficed to scam the insurance with a trick worthy of the best Lupin III. Yes, because, in the end, Bari and its surroundings (including my town, Gravina in Puglia) are made up exclusively of countless helpless fools, stupefied by what society is ready to offer them: a lot of crap. There are no people who work honestly. Only loan sharks, only racketeering, only crime, only smuggling. Only shit. There are no people with an education above middle school. Only ignorant, rude, uncouth people who, to make a living, devise ways to scam insurance companies. There are no people who can speak a minimum of Italian and, therefore, have no difficulty in holding a conversation with any "Mr. X" slightly less ignorant than them. No. Just lots and lots of oafs. That's what we are, people from Bari and its province. "Cozzari," to use a term known among us.

I ask myself: dear Sergio, where the hell have you lived all these years? On the moon? On Mars? Or in the ass of some godforsaken planet forgotten by God Himself? Did you dig yourself a hole, lock yourself in it, and spent all your time reading comics, under your damn glass bell, making yourself as clueless as "Rainman, - the Rain Man"? Then, no wonder when you set foot outside of Culonia, you came back to Bari and found it devastated by rude, uncouth, ignorant people! You must have asked yourself: where the hell is Superman? Where the hell are the Fantastic 4 when you need them? And that spider jerk of Spider-Man? Where is he? I bet that after banging Mary Jane today, he must have left it all in pieces. And the police? Why isn't the police efficient in San Paolo? Why do the super Saiyans never show up when needed?

Then I’m sorry if I come from a "Z" series family, where my father, who achieved his middle school diploma in night school, honestly breaks his back from morning till night to put food on the table and feed his wife and four children. I'm sorry if my mother is a poor ignorant housewife. Sorry again if, despite coming from this squalid shitty town, I managed to graduate (damn... now that I think about it, if you are the professor, then what am I? The President?) honestly, without handing out bribes to anyone. And, like me, many others, perhaps the majority of Bari’s inhabitants.

Want some advice? Retreat into your glass bell, into that no man's planet, along with Peter Pan, the seven dwarfs, the superheroes with superpowers, and all your Marvel comics. To us, honestly, we couldn't give a damn about this film.

Never to see you again.