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Rating: Each of us in life has a mission, mine is to annihilate Claudio Cecchetto.
Who is Claudio Cecchetto? Well, he’s a sort of talent scout of Italian music, dedicated to discovering new talents and bringing them to the masses. Want to know some of Mr. Cecchetto's "discoveries"? I advise you to get some Imodium, just to keep your intestines in check and anyway, I'll shoot them off all at once, so it hurts less: Jovanotti, Fiorello, 883, DJ Francesco and as if that weren't enough, even Finley!!!
And many don't know it, but it's his voice in that annoying song that goes "playing, dancing, horn, bell, sneeze, swimming...". Now, I say, if someone like Tanzi gets thrown in jail for bankruptcy, why should Cecchetto, who has been a pain in the neck for the last twenty years, remain free? No, I ask you, why? Saint Mastella, you who see and provide, listen to the plea of a desperate man and once and for all, get rid of this gentleman from us!
Anyway, I am still convinced that before reaching the big boss, you have to start with the small fry, so, the other day, I was about to perform a voodoo ritual on a nice poster of Max "Ciccio" Pezzali, the Michelin man of Italian song or Uncle Fester, you pick, when suddenly I was struck by one of those moments I call epiphany or total enlightenment, and I told myself that this wasn’t right, that it was an excessive bias against this young man from Lombardy and that he should be given a chance. So, I sat down and re-read all his reviews on Debaser: well, you were quite heavy with the comments. The most recurring ones are "it's disgusting, it's crap." Everyone is ready to denigrate him, but no one can explain, in simple words, why Max elicits such negative emotions. So, taking advantage of the moment of enlightenment, I lay down on the bed to reflect, and boom, my mind opened and I understood the reason for so much animosity. Follow me in my logical process, and I warn you: the truth will not be easy to accept and many of you afterward will feel psychologically deflowered, but believe me, you will be reborn as new men.
The thing that jumps out on a careful examination of Pezzali's work is the absolute drama with which the author presents us with everyday reality. Social discomforts, daily horrors, are literally used as slaps against the unwary listener who, clouded and stunned, thinks they are listening to music, when in reality they are in an elevator headed to the depths of the Inferno. Dario Argento? Stephen King? They are fine if you are joking, but when talking about true horror, possible, then Max Pezzali is second to none. And there is no need to play records backward, Pezzali's music doesn't need subliminal messages to enter our minds: it is sovereign music, created to terrify, essentially to scare the hell out of you!
Take one of his hits, Come mai: in this song, it tells of a guy, probably Max himself, who loses his mind over a girl and no longer recognizes himself. Well, you may be wondering where the horror is, but maybe not everyone knows there is a version with Fiorello duetting with Max, imitating some Italian songwriters... How does Fiorello do those voices? No, because you don't want to tell me those are imitations? Are you joking? Fiorello may be possessed by some evil demon that makes him change his voice, but please don't tell me those are imitations! Now, I don't know how demons get into people, but I'm sure Fiorello's got into him through his rear to make him sing like that! And the video, ever seen it? With the blond guy, Max's former partner, the one who needs to survive thus asking Max to let him do anything even if it's just cleaning the microphone or dancing like a fool, please Max, who is lost in a ballroom, with Fiorello terrifying him with his voices from beyond the grave!
Or take another song, the one about the Peugeout. Okay, it probably has a title, but don't think of naming it, not in this review, not out loud, please, I dread to imagine what occult forces might be unleashed. Anyway, this song talks about a Peugeot, very old, that dictates the timing of a guy's life, maybe the same Max. The fact is, after listening to it, I can no longer get into a Peugeot, it's like an ancestral and inexplicable terror, but even if I get in, after two minutes I have to get out. Oh, one detail: when I reluctantly set foot in, Max is the only one singing from the Peugeot stereo. What does it mean? Please, what does it mean?
Take again 6 un mito, another famous success. This song talks about a serious social discomfort, perhaps that of Max himself: in practice, the guy, who has never seen a girl in his life, all of a sudden, by pure chance, or luck, or because a coke plantation in the air was burned, the hottest girl in the group decides to fool around with him. And Max, what does he do? No, I mean, what does he do? He writes a song and tells everyone. What cowardice, what sadness, and what rudeness, but isn't it embarrassing? To tell your business to everyone, how is that possible? Anyway, for those who don't know, the girl got her revenge in turn with another song titled Welcome to AIDS!!!!
But the horror from everyday becomes cosmic in the terrifying Rotta per casa di Dio. Unfathomable abysses and unspeakable horrors! There every sane-minded person regresses to an infantile state, to hide under the sheets sucking their thumb out of fear. The most abominable thing that can happen to kids: they have a date with some hot girls and, horror, they get lost!!! The worst nightmare you could ever have, the one that upon waking you'd be willing to kiss Platinette out of joy, in this terrifying song it becomes a reality. Max seems to suggest that it doesn't matter in the end, that what matters is an evening with friends, but I don't believe him. Oh, for all the horrors of this universe, dear Max, I don't believe you!!!
We all well know that for 1 euro we would sell out the other three friends just to reach the girls and you Max, try to tell us it doesn’t matter? It doesn't matter what, Max? Maybe it doesn't matter to you dear Max! You've created hell on earth and you don't care! But on Debaser, you will receive the welcome you deserve!!! Okay, I know it's not his fault, I know the great puppeteer is Cecchetto, anyway I had to execute that voodoo ritual... You know these darn voodoo rituals once started cannot be stopped, punishment being seven years of misfortune.
Better him than me, better him than me...
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