Peeping Tom
Peeping Tom

A: Hello, Catholic-Buddhist-Islamic-Protestant Church?
B: Yes, good morning, how may I help you?
A: Hi, this is Pop, I'd like to speak with Saint Michael Da Pattone - Saint Protector of Avant-Garde Music.
B: Oh no, he's not here. He went to Ikea with Muhammad not long ago - they needed to buy a bunk bed because Muhammad invited the Mountain for Easter. If you want, I can leave a message.
A: Well yes. Tell him I'm a bit offended because he's taken everyone into consideration except me. And since he split with Tristano Spruzzo, he doesn't even acknowledge me in passing. At least California had some veins. I've already agreed with dub, electronic, Anticon-style rap, salsa, and easy rhythms… and if needed, we could all team up and come to him to record.
B: Okay Pop, I'll relay the message.

… later …

S. M. d. P. S. P. d. M. D. A.: Did someone look for me?
B: Yes, Saint Michael Da Pattone Saint Protector of Avant-Garde Music, Pop called you, saying it's time to make an album with him, that you can mix it with other stuff if needed, but it's time to give him some attention or else he'll get offended.
S. M. d. P. S. P. d. M. D. A: Wait, let me grab my agenda.
-
S. M. d. P. S. P. d. M. D. A: Hello, extraordinary transports?
T. E.: Yes, what can we do for you?
S. M. d. P. S. P. d. M. D. A: Oh, nothing, I've left my phone agenda at home, could you bring it to me? I'm Saint Michael Da Pattone - Saint Protector of Avant-Garde Music.
T. E.: Yes, I have a 13-meter towed truck free… but how many *##! numbers do you keep in there? Every time it's a hassle to carry that building of papers.
S. M. d. P. S. P. d. M. D. A.: Those of everyone who matters in avant-garde music. And also some pop stars who want to act cool.
T. E.: Well, otherwise how could you be Saint Michael Da Pattone - Saint Protector of Avant-Garde Music, obviously.
S. M. d. P. S. P. d. M. D. A: You can't hide anything from you, huh?

… after a few calls …

S. M. d. P. S. P. d. M. D. A: Hello, Pop?
Pop: Yes, that's me… who are you, Michele Bullè?
S. M. d. P. S. P. d. M. D. A: No, I'm Saint Michael Da Pattone - Saint Protector of Avant-Garde Music.
Pop: oh, wow… I don't know what to say… so, about the album?
S. M. d. P. S. P. d. M. D. A: Well, let's just say I've listened to Jel with Doseone & Odd Nosdam, Dan the Automator & Rahzel, the Dub Trio, Roberto S'annoja, Kid Koala and Amon Tobin. Then, since it's you, I decided to also call that jerk Kool Keith, and the sweetie pie Norah Jones. As a final touch, I called Bebel Gilberto, just to show off.
Pop: and what did they say to you?
S. M. d. P. S. P. d. M. D. A: They all said: BEEEELLLAAAAAAAAAA..., and then added they wanted to dedicate this album to everyone from Pincio and Piazzale Flaminio (love you, Laura). I'm Saint Michael Da Pattone - Saint Protector of Avant-Garde Music, not Lucrezia Lante Della Rovere.
Pop: so, at the end of the boast you dropped on me, the album?
S. M. d. P. S. P. d. M. D. A: Let's do it.
Pop: I love these double meanings.

If your god is dead, it's only because you picked the wrong God. Choose Patton, satisfaction guaranteed.