Mr_Iko

Tender surrender is not Vai's most famous piece, nor is it his most celebrated, which, on the contrary, is "The Attitude Song" from his debut solo album "FlexAble." You tell me that I'm circling around the point, but it's you who insists on not specifying which piece was supposedly plagiarized by Vai. Then, however, you try to save face by saying that, after all, all music recycles: either it is plagiarism or it isn't. But I don’t want to give you the impression that I want to steer this discussion into a rhetoric-filled argument just to be right for the sake of being right. So the question is one, and only one, and simple-simple: which song was copied by Vai?

Ultimately, dear jee, let me tell you something very important: your irresistible urge to eat carrots that has been exploding inside you for over a year should not worry you to the point of driving you mad. It is simply caused by the cosmetics you use abundantly, cosmetics that were originally tested on rabbits. Enjoy a carrot freely in my honor and stop lamenting over your uncontrollable desire.

If you dare to label Vai a "copycat," how do you justify the self-referential and complacent mimicry of guitarists like Santana (bleh), SRV (double bleh, even if he has departed), or Clapton (retch)? These are people who have been limiting themselves for years to replacing a couple of notes in the same progressions they have already presented in thousands of different ways, individuals who have no shred of creativity left and have taken refuge in self-citation for decades. SRV wrote three songs and then broke them down, mixed them up, turned them inside out, etc., to create an entire repertoire, but they are still those same three songs at the core. How can you put things on the same level without relying on an obvious initial distortion, that is, sidelining the objectivity of judgment to support a thesis that would otherwise be untenable? Do you indulge in reasoning by absurdity?

Reading your comments, I don't understand if 1: you’re getting involved with Vai to belittle me (and I genuinely couldn't care less) 2: you’re getting involved with Vai to attract my attention (but I'm not an idiot, so it would be pointless) 3: you’re getting involved with Vai because you're a frustrated but very talented guitarist, and no one understands or appreciates you, so you take out your frustrations on number one 4: you’re getting involved with Vai because you have nothing going on in your personal life (and I suggest you go to the stadium to watch a Juventus game so you can understand the meaning of the phrase "psychological subjugation") 5: You’re getting involved with Vai because you get involved with Vai, in which case the behavioral tautology would lead me to think you might be subject to serious social disorders, but that’s how it is.

Jee, is it still long? You can give me all the ones in the world; if you were paying attention, you would notice how sometimes I give them to myself to lower my average, I'm not a maniac about methods and principles. Is Tender Surrender plagiarism? Of whom? Of what? It’s not elegant to make such serious insinuations without at least providing some evidence to support your claims ("plausible motivations," as Elio would say). To be honest, stating the things you claimed in your last comment could even be a crime, under Article 595 of the Criminal Code, first paragraph (defamation) with the specific aggravating factors outlined in the second paragraph (attribution of a specific fact) and third paragraph (offense caused by means of print), but this is another issue that I gladly leave for you to resolve face to face with your conscience.

Remember that sometimes reincarnation is not easy. Those who have been a man and find themselves as an ant, or worse, a paramecium, know this well. Fortunately, I found myself human again. But you, with the help of your favorite Yogi, try to check your karma before the next transition: in these matters, it's better to reduce the element of surprise, right? You never know, in a few years you might find yourself as a horse: playing the guitar with hooves could be challenging even for a skilled guitarist like you.

Dear jee, do you think a bold streaking on the re-sodded lawn would be a healthy cathartic jolt? But first, dress lightly to avoid extreme temperature changes.

Another piece of advice for a good and smooth guitarist like you: the Strat is the universal guitar, the Tele is perfect if you play rhythm or you’re a bluesman. It may also happen that you don't care at all: in that case, hit the fast food and stuff yourself with Chicken McNuggets. But watch out for bad cholesterol, because then the guitar rests on your belly, and the acidic sweat from the fat can ruin the finish.

Do you want to have a skill contest? Alright, for the challenge then. Buy a 4.5-volt square battery and touch both terminals to your tongue at the same time. The winner is whoever lasts the longest: let me know your record.

Dear Jee, I notice that you are very confident. This makes me happy. But leave the guitar aside; I know a better way to get you noticed. Here's how to earn your well-deserved fifteen minutes of fame: buy a pig and let Studio Aperto know that you saved it from the slaughterhouse. The tear-jerking feature dedicated to you shouldn't take long.