SUPERVAI1986

I'll go see them live at the new age in a few weeks __

I'm here now... take your time and read them all :D

I’ve also gotten fed up with writing jokes... :DD what timing

Edward is on his way home when his car breaks down on a quiet back road. While he is bent over the engine trying to figure it out, he hears a honk. He turns around and sees a stunning girl in a sports car asking him, "Need any help?" Edward explains that he can’t get the car started. The girl invites him to get in, takes him to her place, offers him a drink, calls her trusted mechanic, and asks him to repair Edward's car and bring it back to her house. Then she prepares a candlelit dinner and asks if he wants to lie down with her on the couch for a bit. After they make love until three in the morning, Edward takes his car and heads home. As soon as he hears him come back, his wife rushes furiously towards him yelling, "Can you tell me where you've been all this time?" "You know, I was coming home and my car broke down. I was trying to figure out what had happened when a beautiful girl in a sports car drove by. She offered me a ride, called the mechanic, and then we had dinner and..." "Can you stop with these lies? Admit it, you were playing cards with your friends again."

A man comes home at an unexpected time and finds his wife in bed with her lover. Entering the bedroom, he shouts:
- And who the hell is this??!!
The wife, not at all surprised:
- Finally, a smart question!
Then she turns to the big guy in bed with her and says:
- Sorry darling, what's your name?

A man, in the grip of a severe nervous breakdown, finds himself on the ledge of a building, threatening to jump off. In the meantime, a firefighter tries to talk him down:
- Don't jump... think of your wife!
- I don’t care about my wife!
- Then think of your children!
- I don’t care about my children either!
- Then... think... think of the spring that is coming!
- I don't care about spring! I hate it... I'm even allergic to pollen!
- Alright, then think of Roma, which could win the championship this year!
- I don’t care about Roma!
- Then jump, you damned Lazio fan!!!

Two chubby guys, trying to get out of the elevator at the same time, get stuck in the door. The first one says to the second:
“Rotate, pivot face”
And the second, annoyed, replies:
“Rotate you, ass face!”

A very overweight woman gets stuck in the toilet seat and, screaming, asks her husband for help. The husband arrives and tries to pull her out but without success. He then decides to call the firefighters, but as they are about to arrive, he realizes that he can't let them see his wife naked. So he grabs a cowboy hat that is nearby and covers his wife's private parts. The firefighters arrive, and the chief starts assessing the situation. He approaches the toilet, studies it for a few more seconds, and then says worriedly: "I think we can get your wife out with leverage... but there's nothing more we can do for the cowboy!"

- Excuse me... do you know what time it is?
- No, I never wear a watch!
- And how do you manage if you really need to know the time?
- Ah, for that I play the trombone!
- What do you mean you play the trombone?
- Yeah, if I wake up at night, I play the trombone and there's always someone who says: "Could you stop being a pain in the ass at three in the morning???"

Dracula asked God:
"I would like to be a white angel with wings who can still drink blood."
God... done deal... transformed him into a pad.